“You say that to say what?”
The question will have a familiar ring to reporters whom I’ve worked with over the years.
They usually heard it when something in their story was, “as clear as mud,” as the old heads say. Or maybe a wee bit unclear.
One of my former editors used to talk about specificity in writing — namely, being clear and precise in one’s choice of words, phrases and descriptions. The intended goal: clarity, in expression as well as reader perception.
Sometimes that’s easier said than done, for various reasons. Maybe the writer is intentionally fuzzy because he or she isn’t 100 percent certain about an aspect of his or her story. Maybe the writer, while factually correct, has included unclear information in the piece — information that’s easily misinterpreted.
Pilot readers let us know when we haven’t made things as clear as we think.
Case in point: “City will give away Admirals tickets: Move of home games to Richmond prompts action,” read the banner headline story on the cover of the Sports section April 18.
The story said that the hockey team couldn’t play at Scope the weekend of April 21-22 “because Scope is booked for the Virginia International Tattoo.”
Let’s say you had shelled out $35 for Tattoo tickets for the scheduled April 27-29 performances, and then read the Admirals story. Would you perhaps be confused, worried even, that the dates had changed?
Some readers were. They called the Virginia Arts Festival folks, then they called us to say we had our dates wrong.
We failed to explain clearly that the conflict didn’t actually involve performances, which are this weekend. If we had, some readers would have been spared the heartburn of thinking, even for an instant, that their tickets were worthless.
Sports writer Tris Wykes says he shouldn’t have used the word “booked.” Scope simply couldn’t be outfitted with ice because the Tattoo performers could not practice over the ice.
The final performance of the Virginia International Tattoo is today at 2:30 p.m. At Scope.
WHERE’S THAT? Here’s another example of a story that left some readers confused: our Hampton Roads centerpiece story April 21, “History Room Honors Sailors of Enterprise.”
The story by staff writer Linda McNatt was about the dedication of “the ship’s first history room.”
Imagine McNatt’s surprise — and mine, too — when some wanted to know the room’s location.
“I don’t mean to sound picky,” said Joe Collins, “but I can’t tell from reading the story where the room is. Is it on board the USS Enterprise or is it in a building somewhere?” Otherwise, Collins thought McNatt’s story was “terrific.”
So did Dick White, who, after reading my column last Sunday about the five W’s (who, what, where, when and why), thought McNatt had forgotten one. “She doesn’t say where the room is. Is it on the ship or on the naval station or at Nauticus?” White asked. Also, like some other readers, he wanted to know what times and days the public can visit the room.
Did saying “the ship’s first history room” make it perfectly clear it was on the ship? Kinda. That’s where I assumed it was. Most readers likely did, too.
So, for the record: The room is on the Enterprise, and it can be viewed when the vessel, ported at Norfolk Naval Station, has occasional public tours.
But that won’t be for some time. The carrier left Wednesday for a six-month deployment to the Mediterranean and elsewhere.
POLITICALLY CORRECT SKINS: Chuck Graham, a frequent caller, gave me the best chuckle of the week with his response to associate editor Roger Chesley’s op-ed column April 21 suggesting that the Washington Redskins ditch the team name for a less shameful one.
Graham accused Chesley of “goose-stepping to the beat of political correctness” then offered this suggestion: “Take the picture of the Indian off the side of the helmet and replace it with either a red skin potato or some red skin peanuts. . . . We can continue calling them the Redskins and absolutely nobody will be offended, and perhaps some time in the future they might move to Idaho.
“Actually, I heard last week,” Graham said, “that Dan Snyder had sold the team to a group of Philippine businessmen and that they are going to relocate to the Philippines and rename them the Manila Folders.”
